One word prompt: Jacket First version
by Goren R O
Summary: This is the 1st version of what came to me following the one-word prompt "Jacket". Goren thinks about what might or might not be in his personnel file..


Subject: Goren, R.O  
Male, 48, b. NYC.  
ref: NYPD, MCS  
Assessment - (personal notes only) professional supervision  
Notes refer Sess. # 9

Part of an annotated transcript derived from tape recordings of our ninth session together.

Notes:

Detective Goren is suffering from mild clinical depression following a series of work- and family-related problems. He has refused treatment with medication.

There is no evidence that he has suffered a psychotic break, although his recent experiences of being subjected to cruel and unusual punishment (torture) in the course of his work did result in some brief episodes of severe disassociation.

A major part of my brief is to determine this candidate's continued fitness to serve as a police officer.

Following the standard six-week assessment period, I had submitted my report to the NYPD Psychological Services Division, with every intention of seeing Detective Goren returned to active duty, effective immediately.

His application has been turned down.

And now I need to tell him that.

Transcript begins:

GOREN - You're kidding me, right?

SELF - No. I assure you I don't think this is a laughing matter.

- What the hell did you _say_ to them?

He is very, very angry.

- I told you last week, Detective. I was recommending you for immediate reinstatement. I don't understand why they have over-ruled me.

- They gave no explanation?

- None.

- No, of course they didn't.

He stands up, twisting his hands in the ends of his sleeves, touching each of his fingers in turn to the pads of his thumbs - a physical 'tell' of great agitation for this particular subject. He manages to contain himself, which is admirable under the circumstances.

He sits down again abruptly.

- I have to appeal. Can I do that? Is there some kind of procedure?

- Yes. I've already taken the liberty of preparing some of the paperwork for you.

He sits back and looks at me sidelong, warily. This man has not been treated well by his immediate authority figures recently, and I think he still finds it difficult to trust me as a result of this. I meet his eyes briefly, encouragingly, before I fetch the papers from my briefcase and hand them to him.

He reads very slowly. He now looks close to tears, I note. He rubs his nose, and pinches the bridge fiercely. Repressing. I have another question for him.

- The only problem that I foresee with this appeal, is that I'd need full access to your jacket. And there's a chance that they'll rule that access as not permissible in this case ... do you already know what's in it, by any chance?

He laughs. It's a very bitter, rather unpleasant noise.

- It's probably fat and oozing ... like some kind of over-indulged parasitic _insect_. I can imagine pieces of paper slipping out and trying to escape, before getting sucked back in.

- Where do you get this imagery from, Detective? Is the personnel file a metaphor, for what you feel is happening to you?

- I can pretty much guess what's in my jacket ... "Detective Goren is highly intelligent, with an eye for detail and a prodigious memory. He is also emotionally erratic and unpredictable; notably with issues relating to authority figures. He has demonstrated a failure to recognise the chain of command. He has experienced a high turnover of partners within the NYPD."

- Until Eames?

He brushes the question aside. He's on a roll now.

- But let me tell you what is NOT in my jacket, Doctor. I've never shot anyone outside the line of duty. Never discharged my weapon unlawfully. Never endangered innocent bystanders. Never hit a fellow officer, or damaged departmental property, or broken windows at One PP. I've never taken backhanders, or missed a day's work 'cause of drinking. I've never been suspended before, or busted down to Traffic ... I've never been party to a deliberate miscarriage of justice. I've never used my badge to gain undue influence. I've never lost a piece of evidence, or tampered with it, or stolen it. I've never used my fists on someone to get a confession _(here his voice changes again as he apes the ponderous style so reminiscent of personnel files the world over)_ ... "Detective Goren's relatively high level of emotional involvement with certain cases can lead to lapses in judgement - viz the occasion when he was pilloried by the Press following the death - apparently by suicide - of a false suspect, not to mention the death by suicide of a fellow officer moments after being taken into custody following the resolution of a hostage situation by Detective Goren ..."

I have to interrupt him here. (NOTE: In my defence, I admit to being taken aback by his tirade. Nine weeks ago this subject was little more than mono-syllabic, in spite of his undoubted eloquence. This was the first time he had opened up in this way.) I say -

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Were either of those two events actually caused by you, Detective?

He sighs.

- No, I was vindicated. But sometimes things stay on your jacket even if they're not there in writing. My reputation precedes me. It can walk into a room a full five minutes before I arrive on the elevator.

- How do you think you got this ... this 'reputation'?

- I just can't seem to prevent myself from questioning authority, or received wisdom .. or just people's ill-informed decisions. I can't stop, or even moderate myself sometimes, even when I know that my questions are gonna make someone else look dumb, or unhappy, or show them up for being incompetent or foolish. I have this compulsion to show people that I'm right. It feels like ... like driving in the snow. I have to keep on going - I can't hit the brakes, because if I do I'll lose control and go into a skid.

- So .. other people just have to get out of the way of your vehicle? Your 'Truck of Truth'?

He smiles at the new moniker.

- Yeah, that's it. Clear the area, Goren's coming. Make way for the Whack Job.

- Getting back to the situation you find yourself in now, Detective. What is so different this time? How have you landed yourself in a suspension without pay?

Goren shrugs helplessly. I don't want him to respond with a closed-down "I don't know", so I urge him to speculate, to free-associate, to solve his own case.

- I guess the obvious answer is that I put my own life in danger needlessly. I compromised Eames, by making her complicit. Overstepped jurisdictional boundaries. I exposed the local law-enforcers, and their system that had falsely imprisoned a family member of mine, and threatened his life. It was like ... my family versus that Judge's family. I began to take things too personally, I guess. I really, _really_ embarrassed a lot of important people. I made my partner drive eight hours in the rain to pick me up. And of course I made my Captain miss out on his big date at the Opera. Oh, and maybe helped save a few lives, and solved a neglected murder case. Or, I would have done, if I had gone through proper channels.

- Did you secure the release of your family member?

- No. He ... he actually escaped while I was still there.

- Did he raise the alarm about your own situation?

- Well, he told his father. My brother. But that was as far as it went. If it weren't for Eames monitoring my phone calls, I might be dead or at least disabled by now.

I remain silent. I am shocked by this and need a moment or two to process my own emotional response.

- If you still want my jacket, Doctor, it's held at the Department of Employee Relations. Stupid title. I feel like I don't have 'employee relations' since Jimmy Deakins left the force.

- He was your last Captain?

- Yeah. He was forced out. Politics. You know. The same ol', same old.

- What about Detective Eames? Do you not have some kind of relationship with her?

Again I find myself returning to this question about his attitude towards his partner of the last seven years. I cannot understand how they could have achieved such an arrest and conviction rate, were it not for some kind of special understanding between the two of them. Goren seems unable - or unwilling - to talk about this. His voice becomes sullen.

- This has nothing to do with Eames.

I think he believes that. His facial expression as I recall it and his tone of his voice on the recording do not seem evasive. In fact, when I say nothing else for a few moments, he seems encouraged to carry on -

- I know you're gonna tell me I shouldn't be making assumptions about what Eames thinks about my present 'situation'.

- Not really. You don't live inside her head. But on the other hand, you must know her pretty well.

- I think Eames has a virtually flawless departmental record. A couple of citations for bravery. Oh, and at least one letter - maybe more by now - requesting a new partner.

It isn't like Goren to sound sorry for himself. I remain silent, again. Then I ask him:

- Why wasn't Eames's request for a new partner honoured?

- She ... she withdrew it.

- Why?

Goren takes a deep breath and leans back in his chair, looking more relaxed than he did a few moments ago. Perhaps his partner's decision to stick with him is something that comforts him.

- I don't know exactly why she withdrew it. A change of heart. She once described me and my methods as unconventional and 'an acquired taste'. Eames is a lot more intelligent than some of the people I've been partnered with in the past. She has the processing power to keep up with me and she and I have ... compatible skills.

- What does that mean?

- She's a lot more patient than I am. Very methodical. She can wade through piles of papers, phone lists and boxes of evidence and - oh, God.

I look up, startled by his sudden change of tone.

- What is it?

He doesn't answer me.

- Detective ..?

- Sorry, I'm just remembering something.

There is a rapid change in his demeanour. Fleetingly, I see a look of genuine regret on his features before he raises his hand and rubs his face, as though trying to erase evidence of an unwanted emotional reaction. Never tampers with evidence, eh?

- What are you remembering, Detective?

- Leaving her alone in the evidence pound. She had to go thorough a box of evidence relating to the murder of her own husband. I went off to deal with something else. We should have traded roles. It didn't even occur to me at the time -

- What happened?

- I had a call about the discovery of a murder weapon. She told me to go check it out. I left and went back up town in a cab.

- She told you to go. OK. So what then happened to Eames?

- She ... she found a piece of evidence that ultimately solved the case.

- Sounds like a positive result, wouldn't you say? You empowered her. She might never have managed to face up to what was in that evidence box if you had been there to take the heat off her.

Goren seems calmed by this realisation. But the expression of horror running over his face, realising too late what he - inadvertently - had done to Eames, stays with me for a while after that session.


End file.
